There’s a love that doesn’t make sense by the world’s standards. A love that leaves the ninety-nine to chase after the one. A love that lights up shadows, tears down lies, and pursues us in the middle of our mess. That’s the reckless love of God.
In this episode of Spirit-Filled Girl Talk, I share my personal testimony — a journey through pain, disappointment, infertility, shame, and ultimately, the radical love of Jesus that changed everything.
From Knowing About God to Truly Knowing Him
I grew up in the church. I knew the Bible stories, the right words to say, the motions of faith. But deep down, I didn’t know God’s heart.
Over time, I drifted into a spiritual desert. I felt disconnected, weighed down by shame, and believing lies like “I’ll never be good enough” or “I’ll always carry regret.”
But that wasn’t the end of my story.
When Motherhood Became an Idol
In the midst of a decade-long health battle and infertility journey, I tried everything. I made diet changes, followed fertility protocols, overhauled my lifestyle, prayed relentlessly, spoke Scripture declarations,and even considering medical procedures. I begged God for a baby.
But looking back, I see how I had made motherhood an idol. I was chasing outcomes instead of surrendering to the One who holds all outcomes. My identity became wrapped up in whether I could conceive, and I believed that pregnancy was the missing piece to my wholeness.
The truth? God didn’t want my striving. He wanted my heart.
God’s Kindness in the Desert
In my desert season, God revealed Himself as kind, good, and faithful, even when His answers to prayer did not look like what I hoped for.
My hope had been placed in outcomes, but God gently shifted my hope back to Him. He replaced lies with truth. He reminded me that I am His daughter, that He delights in me, and that nothing can separate me from His love. He lifted the crushing weight of shame I had carried for years.
Like the shepherd in Luke 15, He left the ninety-nine to find me, picked me up, and carried me home.
The Freedom of Reckless Love
The worship song Reckless Love by Cory Asbury captures what God did in my heart:
“When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me.
You have been so, so good to me.
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it,
Still, You give Yourself away…”
That’s the love that healed me. The love that reparented me, not with shame or fear, but with patience, gentleness, and truth.
I stopped striving. I stopped hiding. I stopped carrying outcomes. I simply began to live as His daughter. And friend, that is freedom.
Hope for the Weary Heart
If you feel far from God, burdened by shame, or weary from unanswered prayers, hear this: God is still pursuing you. There is no sin too great, no past too broken, no desert too dry. His love will chase you down, carry you home, and set you free.
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